Can I be honest with you for a second?
There was a season of my life where I said yes to everything. Every opportunity, every partnership, every event, every ask. I was moving fast, building things, growing something, and on paper, it all looked really good. But on the inside? I was exhausted, stretched thin, and quietly losing the things that mattered most to me.
And here's the really painful part, none of those things I was saying yes to were bad things. They were good things. Great things, even. But the enemy doesn't always come at you with something obviously bad. Sometimes, he just makes you really, really busy.
If the enemy can not make you bad, then he will simply make you busy.
That quote wrecked me the first time I heard it because I recognized myself in it immediately. Busy had become my identity. Busy felt like faithfulness. But busy was actually pulling me away from the things God had put in my hands.
That's when my husband, Rory, and I started developing what we call the Peace Filter and it has become one of the most powerful tools in my life, both personally and professionally.
So What Is the Peace Filter?
The Peace Filter is a simple framework we use to evaluate any decision, whether to take on a new client, say yes to a speaking opportunity, launch a new program, hire someone, or even just how to spend our time on any given week.
It's built around five core questions. And the rule is simple: if the answer is no to any of them, the answer to the opportunity is also no. Full stop.
Here they are:
- Does it bring you closer to God?
- Does it bring you closer to your spouse?
- Does it bring you closer to your family?
- Does it align with your God-given calling?
- Does it bring you peace?
That's it. Five questions. But don't let the simplicity fool you, these five questions have the power to completely restructure your priorities and save you from decisions that look right but feel wrong.
Let's Talk About Each One
1. Does it bring you closer to God?
This is the first filter because it's the most foundational. Before anything else, I want to know: does this thing draw me toward Him or pull me away from Him?
Some questions I ask myself here: Does it disrupt my prayer time? Does it take my eyes off Jesus? Does it make me less dependent on God? Does it give Him the glory?
If the answer to those questions starts trending negative, that's a signal. God doesn't call us to things that crowd Him out. If something is consistently stealing your time with Him, your Bible study, your Sabbath, your community — pay attention to that. That's not a scheduling problem. That's a priority problem.
2. Does it bring you closer to your spouse?
Marriage is one of the greatest gifts in my life. And I have learned, sometimes the hard way, that success means nothing if it costs you your marriage.
When I evaluate an opportunity through this filter, I'm asking: Does it create more time with Rory or less? Does it help me keep my commitments to him? Does it make me a better wife? Does it grow our connection or quietly erode it?
If something consistently pulls me away from my husband, keeps me distracted when I'm physically present, or creates tension in our relationship, it doesn't make it through this filter. No amount of revenue or recognition is worth what it would cost us.
3. Does it bring you closer to your family?
My kids need a mom who is present, not just physically in the house, but actually there. And the same questions apply: Does this allow for more time with my kids? Does it help me keep my commitments to them? Does it make me a better mom?
I want to give God the glory through my family. That's only possible if I'm actually investing in my family. This filter helps me protect that.
4. Does it align with your God-given calling?
This one trips people up, because sometimes really good things don't belong to you. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. Just because someone asks doesn't mean it's your assignment.
Acts 20:24 says it beautifully: My only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me. Notice it says the task He has given me. Not every task. Not all the tasks. The specific ones He placed on my life.
So I ask: Does this opportunity align with what God has called me to? Does it help me progress in that calling? Does it help me serve the people I'm actually meant to serve? Does it help me share the Good News?
If it's a great opportunity but it's not my race to run, the most faithful thing I can do is let someone else run it.
5. Does it bring you peace?
Here's what I've learned about peace — and this is important: peace is not the absence of hard things. Peace is not comfort. Peace is not ease.
Peace is knowing you are obeying God's call on your life.
Peace does not equal more money or more time. In fact, sometimes the most peaceful decision is the one that costs you something. Because when you're in alignment with what God has called you to, there's a settledness in your soul, even in the middle of hard seasons, that money can't buy and busyness can't manufacture.
So when I'm evaluating something, I ask: Does it allow me to have more focus? Does it add stress, pressure, chaos or confusion? Does it de-prioritize my priorities? Does it stretch me or my team too thin? Does it create space for Sabbath?
That last one matters more than people think. A life without rest is a life that eventually breaks. If what you're taking on leaves no room for Sabbath, that's a no.
How to Use This Filter
The next time you're faced with a decision, whether it's a business opportunity, a new commitment, a relationship, a program to launch, or simply how to spend your Saturday, run it through the Peace Filter.
Ask yourself all five questions honestly. Not the version of yourself that wants to say yes because the opportunity is exciting. Not the version of yourself that's afraid of missing out. The grounded, rooted, quiet version of yourself that knows what you're actually called to.
If the answer is yes across the board, go with full confidence and full effort.
If the answer is no to any of them, stop. Trust that God has something better in alignment for you. The thing that looks good but costs you your peace was never the right thing to begin with.
One Last Thing
There's a phrase we use at Brand Builders Group that I want to leave you with:
Work like only you can. Pray like only He can.
Your part is to show up fully, do the work with excellence, and run your race well. His part is everything else, the outcome, the provision, the doors, the favor.
The Peace Filter helps you stay in your lane. It keeps you faithful to what He has actually asked of you, so that when you reach the finish line, you can say with a full heart — I finished my race. I completed the task He gave me.
That, my friend, is peace. And it is absolutely worth protecting.
— AJ